Customer support is a thankless task – you have to deal with all sorts of befuddled, confused, and angry customers. But occasionally, you have an experience so out of the world, that it must be recorded in the annuls of time, in the tales from customer support.

During my travels in New Zealand, I rented a campervan – a Jucy Cabana. It’s been a year since I last drove, and yet I now found myself driving thousands of kilometers, on the left side of the road. To make things easy, the rental folks (Jucy) provided a concierge phone number, which I can call with questions. Hilarity ensues.

Me: The red LED in the portable fridge seems to be blinking every five seconds. What should I do?
Concierge: You probably haven’t charged the battery enough. Keep driving.
Me: (2 days later) The red LED is still blinking after driving for 5 hours. What should I do?
Concierge: If the fridge still works, don’t worry about it.
Me: (2 weeks later) My fridge has turned into a regular unrefrigerated box
Concierge: Was there a blinking red error light?
Me: :-(

Me: I’m driving, but there’s this red exclamation icon on my dashboard. Why is there a red exclamation icon?
Concierge: you have your emergency brakes on.
Me: :-(

Me: (embarrassed) Usually, we leave the windows open a crack when we sleep in the campervan overnight, but it’s getting cold. If we roll up the windows all the way, is there sufficient ventilation?
Concierge: (very amused) Yes

Me: I’m trying to start the car, but I can’t turn the key. Why can’t I turn the key?
Concierge: If you turn the steering wheel while turning off the car, it locks the car. To start it, turn the steering wheel while turning the key.
Me: :-( I couldn’t have known that.

Me: Something odd is happening – the car keeps randomly beeping at me when I’m stopped or moving very slowly! Sometimes, it’s just a couple of intermittent beeps, but at other times, it’s a constant beep that just never goes away, and it’s driving me crazy!
Concierge: That’s odd. If the check engine light is not on, you should be okay, but you can take it to a mechanic anyways to double check
Mechanic: Check engine light isn’t on, so it’s fine!
Me: Holy shit, this is driving me crazy – while waiting at traffic lights in Christchuch, it’s basically a constant beep. Luckily I return the car in two days, so I just have to tolerate it a little bit longer…
Car return clerk: oh, that beeping? It looks like you turned on the front proximity sensor, and it’s a bit over-sensitive, so that’s why it’s beeping constantly.
Me: :-(